


Would you go along with someone like me?

by booksandanime



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: But Erin tries to understand her, Dance parties, Erin can never say no to Jillian, Erin is precious, Erin likes schedules, Everything Jillian does is unpredictable, F/F, Jillian cares a lot, Science Girlfriends, She falls in love along the way, Talking about your feelings, The Ghosbusters are basically a family, They have a routine, adorkable nerds, late night discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-25 09:53:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7528132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandanime/pseuds/booksandanime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How does one even go about their life after realizing that they're in love with someone? Because Erin wasn't even sure how she was functioning properly. It felt as if she was suddenly more alert of everything, especially Jillian. It was as if the engineer had a particularly strong gravitational pull, and Erin was just there, orbiting around her. Like Erin found herself suddenly gifted with the ability to walk into any room and immediately find Jillian, even if she was under a car, or on the ceiling (that was one time, don't ask, Erin almost had a heart attack when that happened), or behind a particularly large machine, it didn't matter. Erin could find her as easily as if she was solving a quantum physics problem or making a routine. </p><p>(Or, how Erin figures out that she is in love with Jillian Holtzmann and how she narrowly avoids having a panic attack over it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would you go along with someone like me?

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so the new Ghostbusters movie?
> 
> Definitely not like the original, but IT WAS AMAZING. Like I came in the cinema fully prepared for the best and the worst and the in between, and I came out of the cinema, totally in love with the ship between Erin/Jillian. (Holtzbert, right?)
> 
> And I knew that I had to write a fic for them because they are amazing and funny and I really just ship them. A lot. So yeah. (OnO)
> 
> I hope you enjoy the fic! =]

Erin has a schedule.  
  
  
It's an orderly schedule, and she has everything listed down. At 6:00 A.M. she wakes up in the morning to prepare breakfast for herself and scribble a few formulas down. Sometimes Abby would already be there, seated at the computer, and checking the views and comments on their Ghostbusters website. (They made it after a lot of planning, a few explosions, and some nasty comments online.) Patty usually wakes up at 6:45 A.M. and grabs a few fruits before wandering over to sit beside her and watch what she's working on. Sometimes she goes to the TV (courtesy of the president, a 152 inch plasma screen TV), iand plops herself down on the couch in front of it to watch the news. Jillian either wakes up really early or at 7:30 exactly, reaching the bottom floor through the pole in the ceiling (Jillian's idea, she claimed it was cool), and jumps the few remaining feet to land on the floor. She then grabs breakfast with one hand and a few metallic parts with her left, and starts inventing in any place she sees fit.  
  
  
Then after a few hours, they'd eat lunch. They take turns cooking, or if they're all working particularly hard on their respective problems (Erin with essays and scientific formulas, Abby who gets aggressive whenever Benny brings in wanton soup that never has a perfect ratio, Patty with the absolutely terrible movies on TV, and Jillian with whatever scientific device she's working on that moment), they'd skip lunch and possibly dinner too, unless someone finishes early and orders food for all of them.   
  
  
They're used to working late hours, so they don't sleep until whatever they're working on is finished, and usually it's late at night before it happens. Patty usually stays downstairs in order to support them and lead them to their beds if necessary. Abby has a habit of needing to be dragged away from her work, Erin needs to be patted and shook and have her name called a couple of times before she can focus on reality again, and Patty usually waits until Jillian's finished, because sometimes she works on reactive chemicals, and it's very dangerous to be near her during these times.  
  
  
Of course there are times when Patty falls asleep first and that's when everyone pitches in to help her across the floor, through the door and safely into her bed. She sleeps soundly throughout the night, and they're glad for it.  
  
  
Erin is usually the one who identifies the exact few moments when Abby's head starts to tilt downwards, and her eyes start to droop. These are the times when Abby asks Erin to talk so that she can focus on her work. Erin plays along and tells her stories about her numerous jobs throughout the years after she left her, and the people she met. Sometimes Jillian chimes in with a question or two, and Erin tries her best to answer it while writing down her opinion on quarks.   
  
  
Then when Abby finally falls asleep, Erin sees if she can move her without her waking up. Sometimes she sleeps so soundly that Erin just tucks a blanket around her and puts a pillow beneath her head.   
  
  
After, she works quietly on her essay, then asks Jillian if she needs help with whatever she's working on. Most of the time, Erin ends up simply watching Jillian work, as her hands can put things together and take them apart just as easily, as her eyes flicker fleetingly between the parts, how Erin can almost see the gears whirring in Jillian's head. She gets lost in Jillian and she doesn't mind it at all.  
  
  
Sometimes they talk, and this time, it's Jillian who starts the conversation.  
  
  
"Grape flavored soda for your thoughts?" Jillian offers.  
  
  
"I don't drink energy drinks." Erin says, sheepishly.  
  
  
Jillian raises an eyebrow. "Any reason for that?"  
  
  
"They make me really restless, and I experience slight dizziness, insomnia, and Paraesthesia. Sometimes even ischaemia and tachycardia." Erin admits.  
  
  
Jillian lets out a whistle. "Damn Gilbert, what do you even drink then? Coffee? Tea? H2O?"  
  
  
"I drink caffeine when I have to stay up late working for something, but I really like lemon ginger tea." Erin says.  
  
  
"Huh. Didn't know that." Jillian says, sounding interested.  
  
  
"It's not as if it's really important or anything." Erin says, bemusedly.  
  
  
"Of course it's important Gilbert, what if I accidentally spilled some soda into your coffee? It would have had serious effects on you and I would be held accountable, and it would really suck if that happened." Jillian says, fiddling with control rods and pressure tubes.   
  
  
"Your concern is appreciated, Holtzmann." Erin says, rolling her eyes, but smiling.  
  
  
"Good to know." Jillian says, winking, before attaching the control rods to the pressurized water reactor and the reactor core. She connects a few more things before she makes a small nuclear reactor and she grins before setting it down and stretching.  
  
  
"Definitely going to try this out tomorrow." Jillian says, then casts a questioning glance at Erin.  
  
  
Erin's first instinct is to say no, but she's part of the group now, and she wants to support Jillian in any way she can. "Sure, I'll join you Holtzmann." Erin says, and Jillian's grin becomes wider.  
  
  
"Great!" She says, then leaps out from behind the table. "I'm going to go ahead and just collapse on my bed for a few hours or so. See you tomorrow, Gilbert! Don't let the Cimex lectularius bite!"  
  
  
And she winks at her before she leaves, taking the stairs two at a time, and singing something about insects.  
  
  
Erin sighs, but finds herself looking at Jillian even after she's disappeared into the top floor. She flicks off the lights and heads to her room and prepares herself to sleep, with Jillian's voice still ringing through her ears.  
  
-  
  
There was a reason why Erin didn't really like going out into public places. She knew that most people already respected the Ghostbusters and what they did, but she couldn't help feeling as if she was being judged by everyone she met.   
  
  
She knew it was probably a ridiculous feeling, because some of them probably didn't even care about her in the slightest, but she could feel the eyes on her back and the figurative pressure on her shoulders. She avoided eye contact with most of the people she passed by, and she knew that she was probably fidgeting a lot. She was hoping that no one noticed, and she quickly looked around. Abby was ahead of her, looking for street signs, and Patty was holding the map. Jillian was in front of them, walking casually and pausing to high-five random strangers. Erin wished she had her confidence.  
  
  
Just then, Jillian turned around to flash a grin at her, and Erin tried to smile, but she was pretty sure she was just grimacing awkwardly. Jillian's eyebrows furrowed, and she moved to walk beside her.   
  
  
"I'm fine." Erin blurts out, after seeing the concerned look Jillian was giving her.   
  
  
"I didn't say anything yet." Jillian says, one eyebrow raised.   
  
  
"You didn't have to." Erin says. "I could understand you just fine."  
  
  
She doesn't look to her side because she's worried she's said too much, so she misses the soft look Jillian sends her. She starts when a hand gently slaps her back.   
  
  
"You're walking really stiffly, Gilbert. Relax. Walk normally. This street doesn't belong to any single person. And if it did, it wouldn't belong to these people who are preoccupied with their own problems. They don't have time to notice you or your flaws." She says, keeping her hand reassuringly in between Erin's shoulder blades. "You get me?"  
  
  
Erin chews the bottom of her lip for a while, and then releases it. "Yeah, I get you."  
  
  
"Good. Now, let's do this slowly. Keep your eyes trained ahead." Jillian instructs.  
  
  
Erin tries to stop flicking her eyes from side to side and she stares straight ahead, focusing on a point on the horizon.   
  
  
"Ok, now don't raise your shoulders. You don't have to hunch in on yourself, walk proudly, like you have important business somewhere, which we actually do." Jillian says.  
  
  
Erin has a little more trouble with this instruction because she's used to hunching in a crowded or public place, so that she doesn't get hit or jostled that much. She tries, but after automatically raising her shoulders whenever she bumps into someone, Jillian removes her hand from her back and goes to move behind her. She rests her hands lightly on Erin's shoulders, and talks. "I'm just here, alright Gilbert? You've got this, come on, it's just walking. Deep breaths, inhale oxygen, release carbon dioxide."  
  
  
Erin breathes slowly, and with each inhale and exhale, her shoulders gradually lower until they're level again, and she straightens her posture. She tries to walk normally, and soon Jillian removes her hands from her shoulders in order to walk beside her. They match each other's pace, step by step, and Erin doesn't even notice they've reached their destination until Abby and Patty stop in front of her.  
  
  
She comes to a halt and flashes Jillian an uneasy smile. "Wasn't so hard."  
  
  
"You did great, Gilbert." Jillian says, grinning.  
  
  
"Thanks to you, Holtzmann." Erin says, and this time her smile becomes softer and more genuine.  
  
  
Jillian shrugs her shoulders modestly, but sends a wink in her direction. "Any time, Gilbert."  
  
-  
  
Jillian was the one who came up with the solution to calming Abby down.  
  
  
It started like this: With Abby being stressed and particularly aggressive, and Patty physically restraining her, and Erin trying to calm her down. Jillian came in after buying food, and she took one look at the scene and grinned.  
  
  
"You know what we need?" She asks.  
  
  
"Yeah, a freaking hate filter for people, or maybe a device that shuts them up if they have nothing good to say!" Abby says, angrily.  
  
  
"Nope! Though that would be great, and I'll take note of that later." Jillian says, grinning. "Erin, do you have an idea?"  
  
  
"Um, talking about it? Or expressing her anger in another way?" Erin suggests, confused.  
  
  
"Bingo!" Jillian says, giving her finger guns.  
  
  
"How do we do that?" Patty asks.  
  
  
Jillian saunters over to her workplace, powers on the radio, and presses "Play." "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DANCE PARTY!"  
  
  
The first few lines of [Dancing Queen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk) play, and Abby stops struggling for a while to just stare at Jillian. Jillian grins and starts swaying her hips. "Come on Abby, just release all that stress through following a set sequence of steps! Or just go crazy!"  
  
  
"No, I am too annoyed to even think about dancing." Abby says, struggling even harder.  
  
  
Patty tightens her grip. "I don't know Abby, I think it's a good idea. I mean, better than hitting walls or screaming at animals, like you were doing previously."  
  
  
"Yeah, see, Patty gets me! Come on, Abby, just sway your hips to the beat!" Jillian says, already doing a number of steps backwards and forwards while waving her hands up above the air.  
  
  
"Patty, let go of me! Erin, help me!" Abby demands.  
  
  
"I'm not letting go off you until you dance." Patty says.  
  
  
"I support Patty's decision." Erin says, and Abby growls.  
  
  
"ARGGGHHH!" She says, thrashing harder.  
  
  
Patty starts swaying her hips, while still restraining Abby. "Come on girl, you can do this! Just move your body, come on, that's it!"  
  
  
Abby starts thrashing for a few minutes more, then lies limply against her arms. "Fine, whatever, I'll try."  
  
  
Patty carefully removes her arms, and Abby starts to move sideways, nodding her head cautiously. Soon she's bounding all along the place, waving her arms and her legs, and dancing circles around Erin and Patty.  
  
  
"She's doing a marvelous impression of how birds mate." Jillian comments, suddenly near Erin.   
  
  
"I think she's doing pretty well, considering that she was screaming at thin air earlier, and there was no ghost in sight." Erin replies, watching her friend fondly.  
  
  
"Yeah, well, wanna dance?" Jillian asks, not looking at her.  
  
  
"What?" Erin asks, stunned, turning to look at Jillian.  
  
  
"I mean, Patty and Abby are doing really well, and you're just going to stand there watching them, so I thought we could dance together so that you wouldn't be too lonely." Jillian says, shrugging.  
  
  
"I'm terrible at dancing, you know that." Erin says, already raising her hands up.  
  
  
"Why should that stop you?" Jillian asks, suddenly turning around to stare at her.  
  
  
Erin pauses, because there's something akin to a challenge in Jillian's eyes, and she really doesn't want to back down right now. She hesitates. "Just one dance?"  
  
  
"Unless you want more." Jillian says, winking.  
  
  
Erin takes a few seconds to think about it, but looking at Jillian, she already knows what her answer's going to be. "Ok."  
  
  
Jillian's grin widens, and she takes Erin's hand in hers and flings her onto the lab floor. She starts shaking her hips and rolling her shoulders and throwing her head side to side, while Erin starts stepping sideways and waving her hands and nodding her head to the music. It's when she rolls her hips that Jillian lets out a whistle, and she blushes. Jillian starts snapping her fingers to the beat and croons into an imaginary microphone.  
  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Erin can see Abby and Patty swinging each other across the lab floor, and she wishes she could record this moment and re-capture all of the emotions she's feeling right now.  
  
  
Just then the song stops, and Jillian calls, "ARE YOU GUYS UP FOR ONE MORE?"  
  
  
"Does oxygen have two atoms?!" Abby pants in reply.  
  
  
"I'll take that as a yes, then." Jillian says, and presses play on the next song. They continue like this for a while, and the songs start filling the room, and Erin thinks she probably looks ridiculous jumping up and down and swaying her hips and arms but she can't bring herself to care. Then there's this one moment where Erin glances over at Jillian, and her hair is all over the place, and her eyes are flashing, and she's laughing, and she's not following a specific pattern of steps. She's krumping and singing while using a wrench as a microphone and her goggles are knocked askew, and Erin's brain comes up with only one sentence:  
  
  
_God, she's beautiful._  
  
  
It's not as if she didn't notice it before, she's had plenty of opportunities to admire and observe Jillian Holtzmann. She knows that the engineer likes to sleep in during the weekends, that she gets really hyper whenever she drinks energy drinks or more than 4 cups of caffeine, that she can literally dance to any song, that she has a talent with taking things apart and putting them back together again, that she has the most intense eyes Erin has ever seen on a person, that her sense of fashion is way better than hers (but Erin would never admit that out loud), and she hunts ghosts with a passion, always having a new machine ready for the team.  
  
  
Jillian Holtzmann looks as if she can handle whatever the world throws at her, smiles as if she's had too many cups of energy drinks, works like the parts are puzzle pieces and her hands can assemble them, and moves as if she owns whichever place she sets foot on.  
  
  
And Erin is so in love with her.   
  
-  
  
Erin tends to overthink things.  
  
  
Ok, that was sort of an understatement. Erin tends to overthink things by imagining the worst possible outcomes of every situation and setting apart the appropriate span of time in order to panic and think up new scenarios and plan for each and every one of them, and come up with one or more solutions.  
  
  
Only problem was that she had no idea what to do with the fact that she was in love with Jillian Holtzmann. Sure, she's had crushes before, and she knows that she finds men (and possibly women) attractive, but she's never acted on it. She's always been the awkward nerdy kid, reading a science book in the corner of a room while everyone else was climbing trees and setting things on fire. She's had a few dates before, but never a real relationship, and she has no idea how to handle her feelings for a certain engineer.  
  
  
How does one even go about their life after realizing that they're in love with someone? Because Erin wasn't even sure how she was functioning properly. It felt as if she was suddenly more alert of everything, especially Jillian. It was as if the engineer had a particularly strong gravitational pull, and Erin was just there, orbiting around her. Like Erin found herself suddenly gifted with the ability to walk into any room and immediately find Jillian, even if she was under a car, or on the ceiling (that was one time, don't ask, Erin almost had a heart attack when that happened), or behind a particularly large machine, it didn't matter. Erin could find her as easily as if she was solving a quantum physics problem or making a routine.   
  
  
Also, she's found herself wanting to know if Jillian sprays or gels her hair in any way, or if it's naturally soft, and she likes to daydream about feeling it through her fingers. She also likes writing down notes about Jillian. Like mostly her eyes, and her hair, and her goggles, and her clothes for that day, and her cheshire-like grin, and her hands, and basically everything about her that makes Erin feel like she's flying.   
  
  
She's so lost in thought that when Abby taps her on the shoulder, she immediately yelps. "Abby, I told you I can't handle it when people sneak up on me!"  
  
  
"Actually, I called your name a couple of times, but you were really lost in thought." Abby says.  
  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry." Erin immediately apologizes.  
  
  
"It's alright, don't worry about it." Abby says, shrugging. "Anyway, what are you thinking about? Ghosts? A quantum physics problem? I could help you if you'd like."  
  
  
"No, I'm uh, kind of thinking about something else." Erin says, nervously.  
  
  
"Oh, ok. Like?" Abby asks, looking at her expectantly.  
  
  
Erin chews on the bottom of her lip, and wonders if it would be a good idea to tell someone else about her feelings before she's even properly sorted them out. But then she remembers that Abby was her first and oldest friend, and that she gave good advice most of the time. So she takes a deep breath first, then asks, "What should I do if I like someone?"  
  
  
"Erin, you do know that you may consider Kevin to be very handsome, but he's still working on how to understand e-mail, so I'm not entirely sure that he may be the best choice for you? I'm just looking out for you." Abby says, gazing at her pityingly.  
  
  
Erin gapes. "I wasn't talking about Kevin."  
  
  
"You weren't?" Abby asks, widening her eyes.  
  
  
"No, it was just a crush, I got over it." Erin says, awkwardly. "I think we're friends though, so everything's good."  
  
  
"Oh, that's great! But if you're not talking about Kevin, then who are you talking about?" Abby asks, curiously.  
  
  
"Um, well, you know, I may or may not have this overwhelming attraction to this certain person, and I'm currently experiencing a lot of feelings because of said person, and we kind of live together, and ImayormaynotbecompletelyinfatuatedwithJIllianHoltzmann." Erin says, panting a little at the end of the sentence.   
  
  
Abby's mouth forms into this "o" shape, and Erin feels as if she's a few years younger again, standing in front of the room and preparing for a speech on quantum physics. She's nervous and anxious and half of her wants to run away, but half of her stays because she needs to be ready to face anything Abby would do or say.  
  
  
And to her surprise, Abby smiles. "Took you long enough to notice."  
  
  
"Wait, what?" Erin asks, surprised.  
  
  
"Me and Patty have been betting on how long it would take you to notice your feelings. I was actually pretty sure it would take a few months longer, but Patty thought that you'd be logical about the whole thing, so she bet a few weeks earlier than my guess. She won, by the way." Abby says, grinning and shaking her head.  
  
  
"Wait, so you're ok with me like-liking Holtzmann?" Erin asks. "You don't think it's bad for business, or anything?"  
  
  
"Erin, you know I don't care who you like as long as I'm sure that that person is worthy for you, and that you guys will complement each other, and I'm pretty sure Holtzmann fits the category." Abby says, putting a reassuring hand on Erin's shoulder.  
  
  
"Oh, that's great." Erin says, smiling in relief at her.  
  
  
"So, when are you going to tell her?" Abby asks.  
  
  
"I um, I don't really know." Erin says, awkwardly. "I don't know if it's right to rush things, because I've only figured it out a couple of days ago, so I'm not sure how to go about this."  
  
  
"I don't think you'd do any harm by confessing, I actually think it will help the two of you more." Abby answers.  
  
  
"But what if she says no? Or laughs at me? Or what if a ghost interrupts my confession? Or what if the telephone rings and Kevin doesn't answer on time and Holtzmann didn't hear what I was trying to say? Or what if the ghost comes flying through the window and injures one of us? What if an earthquake occurs and we're not prepared, or maybe a storm happens or a black hole appears somewhere in space due to stars colliding, or-" Erin says, her voice gradually getting higher with each scenario until she's practically squeaking.  
  
  
"Woah, ok, calm down!" Abby says, quickly placing both hands on her shoulders. "Breathe, ok? Just focus on breathing first, and we can figure out all of the things you said later, alright?"  
  
  
Erin nods frantically, and starts inhaling and exhaling rapidly, and soon enough her breathing evens out. "Ok, I think I'm good."  
  
  
"Great. Now, according to what you said earlier, if Holtzmann says no, then you can accept it and still be friends, she's not the type to be awkward about something like that. If she laughs at you, come to me, and I will personally make sure that she apologizes. If the telephone rings and Holtzmann doesn't hear you, then just speak again after the phone rings. What was the one after that?" Abby asks.  
  
  
"Um, what if the ghost comes flying through the window?" Erin says.

 

"Oh right, that. If the ghost comes flying through the window, make sure to confess near or in Jillian's workplace so that you can at least react quickly, and Patty and I will be ready to catch it if you can't. And about the other scenarios, while there's a higher risk of earthquakes happening in New York City than previously thought of, I doubt they would happen without some sort of radio or TV broadcast. In addition, storms would also have to be handled the same way, and black holes are only of real danger to people if they orbit very near the planet Earth, and I doubt that would happen." Abby says.  
  
  
Erin considers what Abby's told her and finds it accurate enough. "Ok." She takes a deep breath. "Ok. That makes sense."  
  
  
Abby looks at her expectantly.  
  
  
"I'll confess to her tomorrow." Erin says, determinedly.  
  
  
Abby looks surprised, then she grins. "I'm sure everything will go just fine."  
  
  
"I hope so." Erin says, and quickly leans over to hug Abby. "Thanks for your advice."  
  
  
"It's no problem. I just want you to be happy, alright?" Abby says, and hugs her back.

 

"Yeah, I want the same for you as well." Erin says, and she holds on to Abby and thinks how lucky she is to have a friend like her.

 

-

Erin, in the most basic way she can put it, is scared.  
  
  
She's not scared of falling for Jillian because it's already too late for that, but she is scared about everything that comes after. All her life she's always tried to seek approval from people around her, and more often than not, once they learned of her ability to see ghosts, they would immediately ignore her grades and call her names and hate her. At first, she wondered if she just liked Jillian because she gave her the kind of encouragement she always wanted, but then she realized it was more than that. She liked the way Jillian danced to her own beat, and the way she got shivers and electricity coursing through her whenever Jillian grinned. She liked the way Jillian fixed things and made things, like all of the contraptions were born from her own mind and imagination, and Jillian had the capability to make them exist in the real world. She liked the way Jillian cared for people, her passion in everything she did, and her creativity.  
  
  
She wanted to know more about the engineer, and she wanted to experience things with her, and she wanted to hold her hand and talk about scientific theories. She wanted to be with Jillian and she wants to wake up next to her and she wants so many things that she's scared. She's scared of messing things up, of ruining things, of making Jillian hate her.  
  
  
But she needed to try. So she stood up, and looked for Jillian. She found her in the space they dubbed as "the kitchen", where a sink and a table was placed, and there were less materials scattered on the floor. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, Jillian shoved a teacup at her.  
  
  
"What's this?" Erin asks.  
  
  
"Lemon ginger tea. Throughout the week, you were looking really pale and nervous, so I thought I'd make you this. It's your favorite cup of tea, right?" Holtzmann asks, looking slightly apprehensively at her.  
  
  
Erin gets hit with a sudden wave of fondness and affection and it's all she can do not to just drop the cup right then and there and embrace her. But that would probably be a bad idea because of the effort placed by Jillian to make this for her. So she smiles, and says, "Yeah."  
  
  
She takes a sip and sighs. It's like all of her anxieties have melted away, and she feels better. She flicks her eyes from the cup to Jillian and grins at her. "This tastes amazing. Thanks."  
  
  
"It should, I mean I'm pretty sure I did all the steps, I stirred water, brown sugar, and grated ginger root in a saucepan, then I boiled it, and reduced the flame to medium-low, and cooked it at a simmer for around 20 minutes-" Jillian starts.  
  
  
"Holtzmann?" Erin says.  
  
  
"Yeah?" Jillian asks, attention quickly snapping to her.  
  
  
Erin sets the cup of tea down carefully on the table. "I'm scared."  
  
  
"Of what? Because I assure you that the tea isn't poisoned, so if you're worried about that-" Jillian starts.  
  
  
"If I told you I'm in love with you, how would you react?" Erin asks, pointedly looking at the cup.  
  
  
There's silence for a while, and Erin can hear her heartbeat in her ears. Just as she's about to leave or laugh off the question, Jillian's hands cup either side of her face and brings it up so that she has no choice but to look directly at Jillian.  
  
  
"Do you mean it?" Jillian asks.  
  
  
"Of course I do." Erin says, and suddenly she's crying and Jillian quickly wipes away the tears with her hands. "I"m sorry, I'm a mess. It's just that I love you so much that it hurts and I don't want to ruin whatever we have and I j-just w-want you t-to be h-happy a-and I'll do my b-best to a-accomplish th-that, but it's ok if y-you l-like s-someone else, or if you d-don't n-notice m-me, just p-please t-tell me I haven't m-messed this up. I can't afford to m-mess this up, H-Holtzmann, I can't, I can't, I just can't."  
  
  
"Shh, hey Gilbert, it's ok, come on, please stop crying. You haven't ruined anything, in fact you made me really happy, you know that? Because I'm in love with you too, and I'm really fucking happy right now, so please, don't cry, I'm really bad with tears." Jillian says, patting her face gently and dabbing at her eyes with a clean handkerchief.  
  
  
"R-really?" Erin asks, sobbing.  
  
  
"Yeah. I'm really fucking in love with you, Gilbert. You do not know how much, because if you did, you'd probably run away." Jillian jokes.  
  
  
"But I want to stay with you. For the rest of my life." Erin says, and blushes when she realizes what she just said.  
  
  
"Oh Gilbert, damn it, I want that too. We can have that ok, we can make this work." Jillian assures her.  
  
  
"What if you get t-tired of m-me? Or what if I hurt you? I don't w-want to hurt you Jillian, I w-won't ever f-forgive myself if I hurt you, b-because you're amazing a-and talented and beautiful and f-funny and intelligent and there's so many th-things a-about y-you that I d-don't know, and I want t-to, I w-want t-to so b-bad, but I'm so s-scared." Erin says, and Jillian hugs her.  
  
  
"It's ok, shh, it's ok to cry." Jillian says, and Erin is practically wailing right now. She's sobbing and she's probably dampening Jillian's clothes, but the engineer isn't saying anything about it.

 

"I'm never going to get tired of you, Gilbert. You have the weirdest taste in clothes, and you walk really stiffly sometimes when you should hold your head up high, but when you stop thinking about the world and how people judge you, you become so damn beautiful, I just stare sometimes. You smile more and you laugh more and you dance in your own special way, and you're not thinking about anything else, and I wish you'd be like that forever. I want you to be happy, because you deserve it, you're worth it hon, you shouldn't let anyone bring you down. I don't know why you can't see that, but I'm going to do my best to make you see it. So you better be prepared, alright?" Jillian says.  
  
  
Erin sobs more and nods frantically. "O-ok."  
  
  
They stand there for a while, with Erin bawling her eyes out and Jillian rubbing soothing circles on her back. After what seems like a half hour, they separate.  
  
  
"I'm sorry for ruining your clothes." Erin apologizes.  
  
  
"It doesn't matter, the water's already drying up anyway due to vapor pressure and humidity." Jillian says, smiling.  
  
  
Erin smiles back, and Jillian gently cups one side of her face and leans forward to kiss her on the cheek. "I love you, Gilbert."  
  
  
Erin blushes. "Just call me Erin, Holtzmann.  
  
  
"Ok. I love you Erin." Jillian says, leaning forward to kiss her on her other cheek. "And just call me Jillian."  
  
  
Erin's blush intensifies, and she smiles shyly. "I love you too, Jillian."  
  
  
Jillian grins, and hugs her again, and Erin swears that she will always be there for the engineer, because love is difficult and confusing, but she knows that if she's with Jillian, then anything's possible.  
  
  
Maybe she won't be able to stop overthinking things right away, or caring about what people think, but she can work through it by trial and error. She has opportunities to learn how to love and gain and lose and feel and understand and she's a little bit scared, but Jillian's holding on to her like she won't let her go anytime soon, and Erin is thankful, because she's going to stay.  
  
  
She's not going to leave anytime soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I got their voices right, and I apologize for that, but I'm working on more fics so that I can make them in character. Please tell me what you thought? (OnO)
> 
> (I'm probably going to change the ending, but if you liked it, then I'll let it stay that way. Thanks for reading! =] )


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